Inspiring Articles - Relationships, Wellness, Parenting, Self-Help, Advice for Couples

How Honest Are You In Your Relationship?

Honesty is a very important quality in a partner relationship. Honesty leads to trust, depth, safety and understanding in a relationship. Withholding important information and events from your partner can lead to mistrust and distance. Even though it may seem hard to tell the truth in a relationship, the consequences of withholding the truth can be disastrous.

Janet and Jim have been married a long time and are very committed to one another. Issues arise in their relationship which they work hard to clear. A major issue was Jim's thirty year smoking habit. Janet disliked Jim's smoking habit intensely. She considered it a dirty habit which was steadily decreasing his health. For Janet's birthday, Jim announced he was giving up smoking. Janet was thrilled and vowed to help and support him. For one year she supported him fully, asking him how he felt during his withdrawal, praising him and telling people how proud and happy she was that he had stopped.

A year later he told her he had never been able to quit. He lasted one week before going back to the cigarettes. His grown children had seen him smoking as had many of the couple's mutual friends. He asked everyone to keep it a secret form Janet. Finally, the children forced the issue and he confessed to his wife. She was devastated and felt deeply betrayed. She might have been able to understood his difficulty in quitting and starting smoking again after one week. But the fact that he repeatedly lied and kept a secret caused great pain. She said it felt like her love had died for Jim. As part of the conditions for her staying with him, Janet has asked Jim to go into therapy to reveal why he was so afraid to be honest. This issue may take years to heal between Jim and Janet. Honesty, though difficult in the moment, is always the higher option.

Twenty-five years ago, in the beginning of our marriage, Barry had an affair with my best friend. They told me several hours later when they got home. I was devastated, and I cried, screamed and locked myself in a room. I left early the next morning. I felt so hurt I wanted to walk away from the relationship forever. Barry went through a major transformation when I left and really wanted to begin our relationship anew. It took several years to completely trust Barry again, but the fact that he had been totally honest with me really helped. His honesty propelled our healing journey in a powerful way.

Ask yourself if there is important information you are keeping from your partner. Honesty can bring a deep healing between the two of you. Be committed to honesty and your relationship will grow in understanding, trust and love.