Negative statements spoken to us, especially when we were children, can have a powerful effect on us as adults. One small weed in a garden will not be too much trouble. If discovered early, it can easily be plucked out without hurting the garden. If left alone, however, the weed may grow and spread and eventually choke the flowers or vegetables. It is our task as adults to search the garden of our souls for the harmful “weed” messages taking root there.
Many years ago, I discovered a “weed” that had been affecting me in my relationship with Barry. Barry had been appreciating what a good wife and partner I am to him. I was often aware of a part of me that enjoyed these appreciations – and another part of me that didn’t believe him because I didn’t feel worthy. That part of me felt sad, that Barry’s words could not be true.
During one of our workshops, a distant memory from my childhood surfaced. I was working on a project for school in the evening with my dad, who was usually extremely eager to help me. I wanted to finish the project, but he was tired and wanted to stop. I tried to convince him to stay and keep working. I wouldn’t accept “no” for an answer. Losing his patience, my dad snapped at me, “I feel sorry for your future husband having to live with a nag like you!” He then left the room and that statement was never mentioned again by either of us.
In time I forgot about his hurtful remark, but it had become a weed in my garden. It hampered my ability to really receive Barry’s appreciation and feel myself truly worthy to be his wife. When I shared this memory with Barry, he told me that statement had absolutely no truth, and I should pluck that weed from my soul garden. Remembering the experience from my childhood gave me the power to release these unhealthy feelings. A new happiness began to enter my life, a new awareness that, yes, I am a good wife and partner to Barry. With this awareness, I could now more deeply receive Barry’s love and appreciation. Though it seemed like such a simple thing, removing that one weed from my garden had a profound effect on me.
People often carry around with them many negative statements that hamper their ability to create, play sports, or, more importantly, be successful in their lives and relationships. Often, these hurtful statements can be traced back to a parent, a teacher, a sibling or someone else in a position of influence. Barry was told by teachers in his elementary school that he was tone-deaf, that he couldn’t and shouldn’t sing. It wasn’t until his late twenties that he discovered they were wrong. Now, he not only sings and accompanies himself on the harmonium, but he has written many songs that he shares at all of our retreats.
So, pay attention to any weeds in your soul garden and pluck them out. They are not serving you. The person who planted them there did not see the magnificence of who you are. Replace these weeds with seeds of love and positive affirmation. Then watch your garden grow more lovely than ever.