To Really Love a Man


ISBN-13: 978-0-9612720-8-1, 220 pages

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How does a man really need to be loved?

How can his partner help to bring out his sensitivity, his emotions, his strength, his fire,

and at the same time allow him to feel respected, secure, and acknowledged?

Praise for both books:


“Read these books if you want to have a more loving, intimate, understanding and vulnerable relationship with the special person in your life.” –John Gray, PhD, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.


“To say that Barry and Joyce Vissell are masters of love is not an exaggeration. Not only is their own marriage a model of the kind of relationship most of us would like to have, but they teach us what real, lasting love is all about. I highly recommend these two new books, and all their books and retreats to anyone who wants to have an enlightened relationship that lasts through time.” –Jed Diamond, PhD, author of The Enlightened Marriage: The 5 Transformative Stages of Relationships and Why the Best is Still to Come


“Barry and Joyce Vissell are two of the most sincere and compelling voices for healing relationships and creating the highest connections. They have devoted their lives to understanding and explaining what makes relationships work. The wisdom they share in these new books will absolutely help you create the kind of relationships your heart desires and you deserve.” –Alan Cohen, author of Don’t Get Lucky, Get Smart


To Really Love a Woman and To Really Love a Man are backed by the powerful work the Vissells have been doing decade after decade in helping couples thrive and see the highest in one another, fueled by the beauty and success of their own partnership.” –David Feinstein and Donna Eden, authors of The Energies of Love


“Joyce and Barry Vissell walk their talk. Having been together for 52 years and taught thousands of people how to love themselves and their partners, I am thrilled that they have shared their wisdom in these books. Their writing is a true representation of who they are: warm, caring, supportive, funny, and inspiring.  Give yourself the gift of these books and watch all of your relationships transform!” –Karen Drucker, singer, songwriter, and author of “Let Go of the Shore” 


“It’s so easy to fall into tried-and-true patterns of showing love. The Vissells challenge us to let our imagination be big and to reach down deep to expand our repertoire of ways we show love. These books are detailed, practical, and inspirational guides for those who aspire to become great lovers and to bring maximum delight to their partnership.” –Linda Bloom, co-author of Secrets of Great Marriages.


“Reading these two books is a blessing and transmission of decades of personal and couples work. These books are filled with teachings. Joyce and Barry have put truths into words that we were unable to articulate. We want to thank them from our hearts for creating an authentic map that we can trust and feel confident to follow.”  –Barbara and Mark Stefik, authors of The Zorcon World Stories


From the Introduction:



We feel that women and men are essentially similar souls in different-sexed bodies. Both sexes want the same happiness, need the same love, crave the same peace, and feel the same emotions. In all our previous books we have emphasized the similarity rather than the difference between the sexes. While this is the highest truth, there is another truth no less important. Most men and women approach life and relationship in different ways and react to situations differently. Notice we said “most,” because nothing is all or none. However, the difference in male and female hormones, the findings of brain chemistry research, added to the difference in how women and men are raised, help create different emotional climates and even alter ways of thinking. On the deepest level, women and men are alike. In personality, there is often a clear contrast. On the level of soul there is sameness. In thoughts and feelings, men and women can be strikingly different.

We write these books not to point out the differences between the sexes. There are enough books that do that. We write these books to give tools to the readers to more deeply honor their partners. With honoring there can be joining. Respect for differences breaks down the age-old wall between women and men. Before there can be union, there must be love. Before there can be love, there must be understanding and respect. Before there can be understanding and respect, there must be listening — real listening – both inner and outer.

To really love another is to more deeply love yourself. To more deeply understand another is to more deeply understand your own soul. In other words, the real opportunity of relationship is your own spiritual growth. As souls, we are both male and female. It is just in our bodies, minds, and emotions that we express one sex predominantly.

Although these writings refer mostly to heterosexual women and men, there is a wealth of information for LGBTQ. Our focus, after all, is how to deeply love another person, whether it be a man or a woman.

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