The Perfect Spiritual Partner
From the beginning of the workshop, a woman in her late sixties who had been divorced for a number of years was wanting to know how to find a mate. She wasn’t looking for just anyone. She felt she was now ready for her soulmate, her life partner, her kindred spirit. And she wanted to know where he was.
Sunday after lunch, partly with this woman in mind, I did something I sometimes do in workshops. I spread a deck of the Shared Heart Cards, containing what we felt were the most important and powerful lines of inspiration for relationships from our first three books, face down on the floor. I told the group to inwardly ask for what they needed in their relationships with their loved ones, and then pick a card. I watched as this woman picked her card, looked at it and then grimmaced. I asked her to read her card to the group. She instead announced that she wanted to put her card back and pick another. It was clear to me from the expression on her face that she had the perfect card. I again asked her to read it. With much reluctance, this is what she read: “The true soulmate is a state of consciousness … not a person.”
People sometimes have difficulty with that statement from our first book, The Shared Heart. Our soulmate, our highest spiritual partner, can never be found outside of us, no matter how hard we look. It is not someone separate from ourselves. It can be quite a challenge to take responsibility for being our own soulmate. It often seems much more convenient to have someone else be our soulmate so we don’t have to look deeply inside of ourselves.
How many times especially in our earlier years have I foolishly tried to change Joyce so she could better fit my ideal of the perfect partner. I wanted her body and face to look different, more like the collage of images from years of watching TV and movies. I wanted her to walk and move more gracefully, instead of the childlike bounce in her gait. I wanted her to wear different clothes, to be more reasonable, even-tempered, less emotionally volatile. The list went on and on….
The prototype of our perfect partner will never be found outside of ourselves. It is so very tempting to keep looking for that special soulmate in another body, but it will never be found. Many people go from one relationship to another, seeking, searching for the mirage of the ideal mate. The challenge of life is to always find that special friend within, to seek first the “kingdom of heaven” within us. Then there will be peace. And in that peace there will be the knowing of what to do, who to spend this lifetime with. When we have finally made friends with ourself, there won’t be that urgency to find some perfect partner outside of ourself. We will have the patience to allow for the wonderful timing of the universe. We will be unfailingly guided to someone of true soul compatibility, someone with whom we can share the path of love and service to the planet.
Sometimes I look at Joyce and remember my teenage list of qualities my perfect partner needed to have. The list has changed over the years. As I have been embracing my inner soulmate, I less and less need Joyce to be that for me. Consequently, I more and more see the beauty and perfection of Joyce’s qualities. I love the way she looks, the way she walks, the clothes she wears. I appreciate how different she is from me, giving me opportunities to stretch past the limits I’ve placed upon myself. I love how she accepts me, letting me be exactly who I am. We’re far from perfect, but we’re learning about unconditional love … seeking the soulmate within and letting one another be.